I was just thinking ...

“...even if you're doing what you love, there will be times when you don't want to do it anymore, wish you could take a break, or otherwise just get a little tired of it. That's completely normal, and don't let it convince you you're on the wrong track.”

This is a quote that was shared me by my good friend and co-worker Caitlin Vivian and it couldn’t be more on point.  Sometimes I feel like I clearly will never find that one thing that is just satisfying all the time. The best thing about this quote is that it can be applied in all areas of your life. Whether it’s your career, relationship, whatever … sometimes you just aren’t going to want to do it. But how often do we take that as a signal to quit? Being great at anything quite frankly takes a lot of work! I have to remind myself that while pursuing my songwriting endeavors. This business is so not for the faint at heart. When people say you will hear a lot of NOs before that special YES … it’s TRUE! But I know that when I complete a song, my soul smiles. It’s a feeling that I am willing to strive for the rest of my life. We work at jobs for the security and healthcare, but the love of something is what makes it all worth it. I know that I can’t continue to work a “job” for the rest of my life because without the love I’m sure I will be quitting for the rest of my life. With love comes endurance and this quote is a great affirmation of that. 

I was just thinking ... It Is Well With My Soul

Have you ever had that moment in life where you feel like you have everything you need? It’s really an amazing feeling. This is not to say I have everything I want, strive and dream for. But the reality is, I have all that I need. Funny in this business you run into so many people and you are constantly networking and finding yourself in situations where people are asking you “So what have you been up to?” It’s as if they’re waiting to be wowed about a huge placement or artist that you’re working with. I have resolved to just saying, “working.” I mean isn’t that what we’re all up to? Writing songs, making records … “I’m doing the same thing you’re doing.” LOL. I’m really looking forward to this year and hoping it will be a break out for me, but I am soooo content. I had the strangest thing happen to me in my vocal class, where my teacher out of nowhere says “yeah I know you are trying to get your funds together for something big but God is saying It is Well.” That really floored me. It really put so much into perspective for me. And these last couple of days, I couldn’t be happier to just be breathing, to wake up every morning, to know there are people that love me, and to continue on my journey in creating music. I am so blessed. And though on the daily I continue to work towards dreams and goals … I realize that I am closer than I think. Most of us in this business dream and harp on when we actually make it, but the reality is, that every day we create we are in the music business, doing the same thing that those that have “made it” are doing. It’s just on a WAY SMALLER scale. Lol. So I am thankful for the opportunity to write music with the talented people surrounding me. I can’t wait until the world catches up!

Here is a rendition of It is Well. It may seem a little dry at first. But listen to the words. And when you read the story of the writer, you really feel it even more! 

I was just thinking ... You in your own way

You’ll only go as far as you want to go. Period. Moving through this business, I find that a lot of people are very focused on staying “true to themselves” and not wanting to bend on a lot of the things that make this industry work. Let me preface this by saying, I am a firm believer in sticking to your beliefs and morals without a shadow of a doubt. But … you also have to realize that this IS a business! There are plenty of people who are very talented musicians and artists who realize that they don’t want to pursue their music professionally. They work a regular job and create music on their own time for fun or therapy or whatever. But at the point where you are trying to make a career out of this thing, you have to know how it works and how to bend on SOME things, NOT ALL but some. For instance, when I first started writing everyone told me that I was too deep and wordy! At first I was defensive because I thought “Most music is crap and has no substance these days.” But what I had to realize was that it took the perfect marriage between a catchy melody and subject matter to make a song more pleasing and enjoyable to a larger audience. I don’t have to start writing explicitly sex kitten songs or write about how much I was balling. All I had to do was find more creative ways of adding substance and work on better melodies to fit my wordiness. I could have hauled off and said “Nah they want me to sell out.” But you have to be smart enough to understand that the people who have been in the game, know what they’re talking about. Find mentors that you trust. I know so many talented writers that didn’t have to compromise their integrity for commercial success, but they did have to learn how to package a product. I believe that the most innovative and legendary musicians in the game did things that people didn’t necessarily agree with or thought would work. But even in their innovation, I think they had to have an understanding of how to manipulate popular opinion. I’m not sure if that makes sense to you all but hey what can I say? I just think you have to give a LITTLE to gain a lot. Don’t be an artist if you don’t want to think about branding and your image and all the other things that come along with making music. Just make music in your basement for your 5 friends that will hear it. But if you are really striving towards something, know that sometimes the advice that people are trying to give you, is for a reason. That’s just my ten cents, but who am I really? Hahaha. 

Where have the A&R's gone?

 As a songwriter, there was a time when you may be able to score a meeting at a label in order to play music for A&R’s working with artists. It seems that time has passed. As an upcoming songwriter, the idea of actually having someone at a label listen to your music is just a fantasy. In the age of email, you meet people, who tell you, send me some stuff. But I guarantee there is like a spam filter that all your stuff gets sent to. Lol. As much as people ask you to send them stuff, it seems that I never hear anything back. So you might say, “Well maybe your stuff just isn’t that good.” And yes that is what I thought for a certain period of time. But I must say my friends eventually you get to a point where you know your music is undeniable. To help with that I started sending music to known friends in the industry asking them just that! “Hey, tell me is this music up to par with industry standards or not?” And after listening they all gave me the thumbs up. One notable manager saying “Yeah someone’s just not doing their job.” So now that I can feel confident enough to say, hey I have good music here, I am wondering “What happened to the A&R’s? It seems that when it comes to making albums, they just look at the billboard charts and grab the writers and producers from the top ten … which is FINE … I mean it’s somewhat of a sure bet, I guess, but what happened to discovering new talent? New writers and producers with new ideas? So what is the solution? I have pretty much given up on the idea of trying to “Shop” songs. Just feels like a waste of time in my book. But I have some upcoming artists that I am writing with that I am really excited about. I’m no longer fixated on getting a placement with this HUGE artist. I am more interested in trying to break artists of my own with great songs that will be undeniable. We have a great team! And all of us are focused on making the best music possible and making a space for ourselves. Forget waiting for some suit to tell us that what we have is worthy. Another solution to getting songs heard is co-writing. I am fortunate enough to know some really dope producers and songwriters in the game. So your chances of getting a song placed with one of them is way more likely. They have the ear of the industry. They are the ones who can still get meetings with artists and labels and whatnot. So having the opportunity to work with them, there is a good chance that one of the records you work on together may end up in a meeting. I would think that in a business where everyone is looking for the sure thing, that it might be neat to find the next best thing. But what do I know?

I was just thinking ... Sometimes we trip!

The devil is subtle ... It says that in the bible. But somehow we seem to miss when he is trying to sink his ways into our brain! The worst part about it is that sometimes he uses the people close to you in order to cast seeds of doubt and fear. Almost like clockwork there comes a time when I just feel like I'm not working hard enough. In this business sometimes you think that if you're not on yet, then you have to kill yourself until you're there!!! And someone brought it to omy attention that this feeling normally sinks in after I talk to a particular person. And the worst part about it is that I don't even realize that it's happening! So this year I am trying my best to focus on God's purpose and plan for my life. Forget everybody and everything else that makes me think I am not working hard enough. I bust my butt on the regular bases and everything that I am striving for I will get. I have a track record.

I was just thinking ... It's not too late

It’s only too late if you say it’s too late. A phrase that we hear very often but most of us don’t take heed. I have heard the pastor say this so many times, and I believe it with all my heart, but I find sometimes my actions don’t reflect that. When I hear that, I think of all the other people that think it’s too late for them to follow their dreams, or start a business, but I was overlooking how to apply it to my own life.


There are so many things that I wanted to do when I was younger. You couldn’t have told me that I wasn’t going to be a choreographer when I was young. But I was too afraid to audition for a school like Cappa and I didn’t really know what type of career I could have. So I moved on to a more sure thing … Music??? Lol. In any case I also wished that I played an instrument or that I had more vocal training when I was young. I even like to blame my parents sometimes, wishing that they would have helped me channel my interests more. But now that I am grown, what’s the excuse?

As much as I hear the words “It’s only too late if you say it’s too late,” why am I operating as it’s too late? Deep inside, I LOVE writing, but I also want to be able to sing. Number 1 I feel like it will help my writing a bit. Sometimes I have ideas that I am afraid to execute because I feel like I won’t be able to convey the idea correctly. Number 2, there are some songs I want to write, just for me. It’s so hard as a writer to always focus on what you want someone else to sing. You have to be relatable, you have to have ideas that a singer will want to sing about. But what about those personal experiences of your own that you just want to pour out? Artists have the freedom to be them, where I feel that many times as writers, though we are writing from our own perspective, there has to be a certain air to let that artists fly as well, if that makes any sense.

All this to say, darn it I am taking a vocal class!!! I always feel like, well I can carry a tune and if I just had a little direction I may be able to sing better. I can’t die knowing that there may have been a big voice inside of me that was never heard. So I am stepping out and seeing what happens. I will just have rest and peace of mind if I take the sessions and still suck. Hahahaha. At least I know I tried! I always feel like “Oh most people start singing when they are like 3!” I feel like how on Earth can I start honing this craft at 25? But God is real! And whatever is in his design, will happen for you, regardless of age, sex, what it looks like, what it feels like. And anyone who knows me knows that I sing ALL THE TIME! It may be a bit pitchy and all over the place, but I sing my little heart out.

I am excited to embark on a journey. I am still focused on writing great songs, but I will be interested to see what can happen if I work on my voice a bit. IT IS NOT TOO LATE! It’s NEVER TOO LATE! As long as we have breath, we can do things differently, we can try something new! It’s just one of those things. I’ll let you guys know how it goes! Starting in January.

I was just thinking ... co-writing

Some people really aren’t into co-writing. I personally find that it’s one of my favorite ways to write. I mean clearly it’s cool to be in your own head and come up with ideas. But I enjoy sessions where everyone is bouncing ideas off one another. But there also has to be a vibe there in order to make a session fruitful.

I’ve been in sessions where nothing really gets done because opinions can differ so much. So it’s all about finding co-writers that you really have chemistry with. And some people get funny thinking “oh well I will have to share the money when it comes.” I’d rather have the best possible song even if other people will get a share. 

Sometimes working alone you can end up repeating melodies or just sounding too similar to things you’ve already done. I even see co-writing as a challenge because it’s so easy just to impress myself. In co-writing everyone has to be on the same page ultimately and it’s great when I can write something that other writers appreciate.

But in co-writing, there are some things to remember. You have to know exactly what each person is bringing to the table. Nothing worse than the people who just hang around the studio with no particular significance to the sessions that want to put their two cents in. All of a sudden they think they are a writer. 

SPLIT SHEETS. As awkward as it can be when a person won’t start a session without one, it can be a good idea. Especially when going into sessions with people you don’t write with all the time. But this way everyone knows where they stand. You’ll have someone changing one line that they sang and then want to be listed on the credits as a writer … But that’s a whole other blog that I’ll probably never write to protect the innocent. Lol. But nonetheless, I love the music that I create on my own, but I have a great appreciate for many of the writing partners that I’ve found along the way.

One last thing is that as an up and coming songwriter, co-writes are great to have with more established writers. It’s a great way to get your name out there and then when you do get your own reputation you have a lot more under your belt.

Music that will last forever ...

In this time it is very hard to think past the next few seconds, minutes, let alone years and years to come. We live in a society and in a time where everything is right now. This I find is a monster when it comes to the music industry. A lot has changed in music, not all bad and not all good. But one element where I feel we suffer is making timeless music.

There are so many songs that I hear today, that I can’t even remember once they go off. Let alone remember them for years later. There are certain songs from growing up, that I know every single lyric to and even the adlibs. There was such a quality in the lyrics and in the melody. These songs related to our experiences and deep feelings.

Now I am CERTAINLY not a new music basher. There are so many new artists and songs that I like. But I still think that as a whole music is suffering. I can’t tell you how sick I am of the super sexually explicit R&B songs. It’s like enough is enough. There has to be a more creative way of saying these things. I do believe it’s affecting some of the way young generations view themselves and relationships.

Not to stand on that soap box forever, but I did come across this record by Bonnie Raitt and funny enough, years later here is Tank as well covering it. A little white lady (kick butt guitar player and all but you know what I am saying) from back in the day to one of the influential writers of our time, and the song still makes sense. I am not sure that years later people will cover “Invented Sex” or “Deuces”. No disrespect to Chris Brown or Trey Songz, I’m just saying.

Check out the two versions below: "I Can't Make You Love Me" Composers: Mike Reid and James Allen II Shamblin
Bonnie Riatt


Tank

No Matter How Nice your Boots are ...

No matter how nice your boots are, you can always step in dog poop. I know that sounds so strange but the funniest thing happened to me today. Recently I bought a couple pairs of new boots for the winter season. All my old boots had literally began to fall apart, so I figured it was time to grab some new ones. I was even beginning to feel subpar because my boots were beginning to look so worn. So I felt really good about putting on my new boots to head to church. As I’m walking toward the church, stomping in my new boots, all of a sudden I felt my boot slide and I had to catch myself. And then I got a whiff of the sweet aroma of dog poop. As I began to put two and two together I realized exactly what I slid on. Hahaha. I looked at the bottom of my shoe and for sure there was poop on the bottom of them. It’s just so funny how, you can think that you are moving on up in the world and that you finally have something that makes you feel good and step in dog poop! Not having the latest boots … definitely First World problems as my co-worker and friend Caitlin Vivian would say. A Christian Laboutin can be just as easily smeared in poop as a payless shoe.

If I didn't already know who I was ...

Know who you are. Because the world will constantly try to define that for you. Without a strong sense of self, you can easily be destroyed. Constantly comparing yourself to others, wishing and hoping that something was different about you. But understand what God says about you … that you are beautifully and wonderfully made, crafted in his image. Every single one of us. No matter how much weight you want to lose, or how thick your glasses prescription may be. We are perfectly imperfect. I have found myself at so many points, sizing myself up next to other people, based on what they have, how they look, blah blah blah. At a certain point you have to just get tired of it. The funniest thing is when I’ve wanted something someone else had and they expressed to me that they wanted something I had. That’s how you KNOW you’re being ridiculous. Lol. But seriously, it’s a great thing to grow into a confident woman. But it takes time! I am still a work in progress, but the key is being around other confident women of God that can show you the ropes. I’m never afraid to give props where it’s due, but sometimes I don’t give myself the same props I give others. I’m pretty awesome myself. Lol. What one woman has doesn’t take anything away from what you have. That’s something that so many of us have to learn. We can all be beautiful, successful, and talented. And passing that confidence along to the next generation, is one of the greatest gifts we have to give.

I was just thinking ... co-writing

Some people really aren’t into co-writing. I personally find that it’s one of my favorite ways to write. I mean clearly it’s cool to be in your own head and come up with ideas. But I enjoy sessions where everyone is bouncing ideas off one another. But there also has to be a vibe there in order to make a session fruitful. 

I’ve been in sessions where nothing really gets done because opinions can differ so much. So it’s all about finding co-writers that you really have chemistry with. And some people get funny thinking “oh well I will have to share the money when it comes.” I’d rather have the best possible song even if other people will get a share. 

Sometimes working alone you can end up repeating melodies or just sounding too similar to things you’ve already done. I even see co-writing as a challenge because it’s so easy just to impress myself. In co-writing everyone has to be on the same page ultimately and it’s great when I can write something that other writers appreciate.

But in co-writing, there are some things to remember. You have to know exactly what each person is bringing to the table. Nothing worse than the people who just hang around the studio with no particular significance to the sessions that want to put their two cents in. All of a sudden they think they are a writer. 

SPLIT SHEETS. As awkward as it can be when a person won’t start a session without one, it can be a good idea. Especially when going into sessions with people you don’t write with all the time. But this way everyone knows where they stand. You’ll have someone changing one line that they sang and then want to be listed on the credits as a writer … But that’s a whole other blog that I’ll probably never write to protect the innocent. Lol. But nonetheless, I love the music that I create on my own, but I have a great appreciate for many of the writing partners that I’ve found along the way.

One last thing is that as an up and coming songwriter, co-writes are great to have with more established writers. It’s a great way to get your name out there and then when you do get your own reputation you have a lot more under your belt.

Living Distracted ...

Are we ever really focused on one thing? Do you ever feel like you have a person’s full attention? I’m not sure there is such a thing anymore. We are constantly battling in our minds. What’s the next thing I’m going to say, what I have to do when I get home … etc, etc? The mind can be a prison, clouding your freedom to enjoy the day, or a conversation, notice the little things. And when did it become acceptable to stop conversation to tweet, to text or answer the phone? What happened to the idea of I’ll get to it later? It’s disappeared along with the common courtesy of “undivided attention.” We live in a world with such a sense of urgency. Everything is RIGHT NOW, but we simply can’t do everything at once. No matter how hard we try. We are suffering socially. We are missing the very crux of what made social media popular in the first place. And I say this not as a condemner but guilty as charged. But I want to be better. I can’t continue to live a life unfocused, not concentrating on the activity at hand. It’s a dangerous place and it’s proven every time someone dies at the wheel of someone distracted by a text message or an email while driving. We must learn how to refocus and live each moment as it comes and not simultaneous to everything else in our lives.

I was just thinking ... Choices

Life is all about choices. Even choosing not to choose. “Our biggest fear is not that we are inadequate …” Most of us know the rest of Mandela’s speech but I would add to that “we are afraid that more of our fate is in our hands than we think.” God gives us direction, he gives us a path … But the choices we make help dictate the bumps and smooth plains along the way. If you want something different in your life, pray for direction and don’t veer off course. Stick with the process and make wise decisions. You are even making a choice when seeking His council. You must move or nothing is going to change. Most of us don’t want to own up to the things that we can do differently, that INCLUDES ME! I know that I need to make different decisions and I am working on getting there. No more standing still.

Untapped Resources

I know a lot of people … in various fields and various points in their career in this business. But I have a hard time tapping into that at different points. No one wants to be used. But the reality is, this industry is very much about relationships and I have a hard time asking people to help. I try my hardest to support all the things that people have going on, but when it comes to self promotion, I suck! It is just awkward trying to sell yourself, but you have to! If you can’t talk yourself up, sell your brand, no one else is going to do it for you. I have been pushing myself lately to focus on my endeavors. No one else has an issue sending me texts or messages asking me to support their stuff …. But it can be funny how when you are looking for people to help you don’t hear anything from them. So I end up in this weird predicament of wanting to reach out to peers for help but knowing that it will slightly change the nature of the relationship if they don’t come through. So I end up trying to do it all on my own. It’s difficult to balance the whole thing. Support and co-signs from others are very coveted, but I also try to hold on to the pioneers that had to persevere even when no one else could see their vision. The greatest partner in this entire world is God. With him all things are possible … so I am learning to relinquish my thoughts of wanting others to help me get where I need to go. Knowing that God works through people there are some people that will be there … and those that won’t can pretty much kick rocks. Haha. That’s harsh, but you know what I mean. Gotta appreciate those that do believe in you and the rest will catch on eventually with everyone else.

Prepare for What You Ask For

If you’re anything like me, you spend a lot of time asking for things to happen in your life. For me it’s in prayers, constantly asking for many things but especially advancement in my career. But I realize that especially in those moments when I am at my wit’s end, God really decides to make moves in my life. And as much as I ask for things, in the moments when something I asked for is right in front of my face, I have a moment of apprehension, which makes absolutely no sense.

Most recently, I have just really been meditating on getting my blog together and having more opportunities for my songwriting. I have received some of the most random text messages and emails in regard to writing that it creeped me out! And my pastor recently spoke about unrecognized resources. These opportunities have been coming from people that aren’t even necessarily in music.

It’s amazing when you find yourself actually receiving the answers you are looking for. But I am realizing you have to be prepared for the things that you are asking for. You have to be ready. Often we approach our prayers without the faith and trust that they will actually be answered. So we don’t even know how to receive the great things that are happening to us because of what we prayed for.

I’ve decided to face these opportunities head on. No matter how afraid I am, I know that these are the things that I have hoped for. I have to tap into the confidence that God clearly intended me to have. He clearly only threw me the bone because he felt that I was ready. Why do we second guess ourselves so often? Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen … Sometimes our faith brings forth things we never thought we’d see.

I was just thinking ...

I realize that I can’t make everyone want more. It’s been a hard realization to come to, but definitely something I need to get over. I have this thought in my head that most people have sooooo much more potential than the world will ever see. But somehow people become so content with their lives. Never even thinking of the possibilities of how to do something so much greater in their lives than work and come home every day and do it all over again until they die! I guess there is this weird space needed for people like that. But I think to myself, what a great world we would live in if everyone tried to live up to their fullest potential … but I am sure there would be some other problems. Granted there can’t be all leaders in this world, but I even mean being the best follower you can be sometimes. Lol. But really, I just feel as though I am constantly around amazing people that don’t even know their WORTH. And it drives me nuts. I know that most of them are sick of me always trying to push them … but I appreciate a good push! It’s hard at times and you want to fuss people out, but you have to realize when a friend or close colleague is simply trying to make you better. I HATE SINGING …. But I know that it is something I have to get over. And even though I want to kill the producers that try to bring it out of me, I know that they’re right! So hopefully my friends and family don’t disown me for trying to get the good stuff out of them. For me … I feel like, we live and then we die. Why wouldn’t I want to strive for the things in life that will really satisfy me? And if God actually allows me a taste of the things that I dream … well then my life will completely be worth it. I believe that we need to consistently be striving towards better things and not just monetary and worldly things. I mean being a better person, a better friend … EVERYTHING. It really boggles my mind that people don’t want to improve their way of thinking, who they are as a person, or where they are in life … I just DON’T understand the mentality. And that’s what I have to come to grips with. I don’t understand it and I probably never will. My talent and purpose means everything to me. So I refuse not to live every day trying to reach my maximum potential. I won’t stop until the things that I write fuel my life, fund my expenses, and change the way people think or see things. I hope that eventually my walk can encourage others. God gave me this spirit and I am thankful.

I was just thinking ...

I love Sundays. It really seems like the best day to take it easy. I mean God rested on the 7th day. Lol. But really, I like to enjoy church in the AM and then I am looking forward to BRUNCH in the afternoon. It is normally the best time to just reflect. A lot of times great conversation about the sermon ensues. It must be a ritual for many because a lot of brunch spots have the WORST wait times on Sunday. I’ve had so many great times chatting over waffles and omelets. Some of my favorite places to go are Green Eggs and Sabrina’s. If you haven’t already, you should definitely check them out some time.

Money Can't Be Everything ...

See money can’t possibly be everything. Steve Jobs had no short of cash. But in the end it couldn’t save his life. It couldn’t change the cards that he had been dealt. He was a fighter and indeed fought for his life. But the money couldn’t save him. That’s what people mean when they say “money isn’t everything.” Yes many of us are in pursuit of riches and glory, but really all we have is our life and that doesn’t last forever. What will your legacy be? What will people say about you? How have you changed anything? Steve Job’s vision and forward thinking … that’s what made him rich before anyone ever heard of a company called Apple. You have to be prosperous in your mind before any prosper will come to your pockets. Anyone who has achieved insurmountable success already knew in their minds that their life would be different, that something they did would change the way that people think, act, view the world. If you can’t be happy with sporadic, unplanned dates, or the times when you didn’t know how you would make a bill or the journey to success, I am doubtful that any amount of monetary success will make you a happy person. I truly believe that money only magnifies who you are already. Prepare to look as good today, as you will in your blown up future. If not those same flaws will be there. Think about not only how you can change your life but how you can affect change in others. Money won’t save you … So what will validate your moments on Earth when you are gone? Steve Jobs 1955-2011… well done!

I was just thinking ...

Marriage 25 and it seems like all my friends are married or getting married. And I can’t even lie … I am feeling some type of way! I have never been the type to dream about the white dress and big wedding and I am still NOT! Haha. The marriage has always been more important to me than the wedding. I am looking forward to sharing that with someone. I think it is really an honor to be able to call someone your husband and not just your boyfriend and vice versa. I look forward to being called wife. You can never rush these types of things and I don’t plan to but I can’t say that I don’t feel the pressure sometimes. I’m still young and yadda yadda but when you really think about it the gift of marriage and what it means in the eyes of God, it’s kind of cool. I have to admit. I am not a gushy girl for the most part at all … but there is something about that moment when people decide make that step, that makes my heart melt. The rings don’t hurt either. (Yes we all like shiny things.) haha. But really, marriage is such a treasure that God created. To know that your spouse is a special gift to help you along in this world is pretty awesome. I know how much it meant to me to have parents that were married … and not that they were PERFECT, but I felt secure because of it. I hope to give my children that same feeling. I feel like there was a point in my life where I wasn’t really sure what I wanted. But it is nice to come to grips with the fact that I know I want to experience being married and having children before I leave this Earth. I pray it’s in God’s plan for me. I never want to get so caught up in chasing my dream that that part of my life has to fall by the wayside. I really want it all and I don’t plan to stop until I have it.